me in a nutshell…

{ September 16, 2008 @ 11:47 am } · { Everything is Illuminated }
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My name’s Rachel. I just graduated from college receiving my Masters in Literacy, my BA in Secondary Education and History. I suffer from depression and have been on medication since I was 17- I am now 22.  I am currently living in a house with my boyfriend, we will have been together for 1 year in December.  This is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in.  I’m not quite sure what I’m doing most of the time.  I’m struggling to find a job and keep my head above water most days.

Welcome to my life.

stagnant

{ March 13, 2009 @ 3:35 am } · { Everything is Illuminated }
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sometimes i love you more than i can stand
and sometimes i can hardly understand why things aren’t progressing

you’re always right, you’re always finding loopholes in our agreements so the only one ever changing is me – and most of the time i dont even manage that.

i feel as though i’m constantly waiting for something amazing to happen

what if this is the amazing… and i’m missing it.

i feel like i always screw things up – and that’s possibly what i’m doing in this situation… but who knows

Lord – please give me a sign – that this is where i’m meant to be and what i’m meant to be doing…

 

(i’ll be looking…)

raindrops

finally

{ October 15, 2008 @ 5:43 pm } · { Everything is Illuminated }
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i got a job.

hopefully this will be the change i need.

the truth is coming out

{ October 14, 2008 @ 9:06 pm } · { Everything is Illuminated }
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tonight i’m going to talk to D about some things that have been building up inside – how his family makes me feel, compromises i’ve made, etc.

i’m nervous

i dont like confrontation (who does?)

we’ll have to see how this goes…

i’ve been making some big decisions these past few days – now it’s time to act. hopefully we’ll make it through – God i love him.

i am

{ October 13, 2008 @ 11:55 pm } · { Everything is Illuminated }
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not happy.

not working.

not doing what i should be.

 

Hold

{ October 7, 2008 @ 6:06 pm } · { Everything is Illuminated }
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You hold your breath when you should hold your tongue
and hold your tongue when you should hold my hand
and I should delegate more authority to myself
but I can’t help thinking

thinking

that you are thinking
what is she thinking…

flying

{ September 18, 2008 @ 12:23 am } · { poetry/quotes/whatnot }
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Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly.  if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever meant to fly in the first place.